Speaking About Your Pain With Others

A Few Considerations

1. Realize that those you are sharing with may or may not have experienced your pain, and their way of feeling and expressing pain may sound totally different, a different language.

2. Many who you speak with will not be truly listening as they are already thinking about how they can help you. One of the ways they might try to help is to bond with you on the wound of pain. If they have ever had a similar pain, or even pain that is not related, they might begin to tell you about their experience, or their previous pain, and what they did to make it go away. This does not mean they don't care about you or your pain. It's simply that their capacity to BE with you and simply listen may not be a practiced skill.

3. There are others who deny your experience by making little of it, telling you it's not that bad, or creating expressions that suggest you are crazy. Again, this does not mean they don't care. Some people feel helpless when they hear about something they can't fix and they don't know what to or say when things don't improve.

4. One possible solution is to consider who you are sharing with. Are they a good listener. Let them know up front that you are not asking them to fix you. Perhaps even ask them if it's a good time to speak with them about what's been happening with you. If they ask you how they can help, allow yourself to accept the help, and offer them a constructive way to support you.... maybe physical help with shopping, getting to a doctors appointment, or even just their company... find a way to giggle together even in the midst of the pain.